Getting better

I started an anti depressant, I'm feeling better about things and things aren't bugging me as much as they normally do. Money is tight but I finally heard from unemployment should get my first paycheck by tuesday!!!! Jacob's 8th birthday is sunday and we're gonig to chuck e cheese with a bunch of family and friends!!! We also get our christmas tree sunday AND next weekend we are redoing Jacb's room. It is so exciting I am loving the non depression. Things are not perfect but I am feeling much more optomistic. It's a relief to know that I am not breaking down every time something goes wrong. The puppies are coming along great!!! i have 3 of them sold. We are keeping Piggy and maybe one more. I love my animals sooo much. They make me smile even when I am feeling down. Now cleaning the piddle puppies mess... is another story. So icky and smelly. It's like taking care of 7 toddlers. Whew it's a full time job. Laundry and dishes are still behind but what else is new. Steve and I are getting along much better now if only Jake would behave and follow the directions as he is told. He half asses everything. TRying to teach him that is not the way to go through life. He should want to strive to succeed in everything he does. I want my son to grow up into a wonderful man. So excited for Christmas!!! We decorated more this year than last & we will continue to do more each year as we can afford it :) Now my playtime is over. I have to go back to work posting for ebay, craigslist, etc etc

No Job

Yesterday was probably one of the worst days since I lost my job. I had no want to do ANYTHING. The house is a disaster zone. It is just not big enough. I would post pictures but I am that ashamed of how our house looks. I know Steve is working hard to compensate for the fact that my last paycheck STILL hasn't shown up AND my unemployment is who knows where... So we've been literally living on NOTHING for 3 weeks. I'm tired of people making comments about my family being on assistance. It's not like we abuse it. We use our food stamps to put food on our table for the month. 3 people 320$ for a MONTH. and that's what we use. I know a manic phase is kicking and and there seems to be nothing I can do to stop it..... So far I've been able to keep myself out of bed for most of the time. But I have a feeling it's going to get harder to do. On a good note, the puppies are mobile! up and walking, yipping, wagging tails, and BARKING!!! not even three weeks old. Working at dollar tree tomorrow from 3-10:30. Hope it goes by quick Love Always, Nickie

Thanksgiving...

So this whole holiday season whatever choice I've made for my family my mom makes the opposite. I told her we were gong into Ohio for Thanksgiving to see my grandma and family. She says she's staying home so Zach isn't by himself ( my brother). I'm cool with that. Then with van issues we can't take the trip 2.5hours away so we say we're staying home. My mom says okay well we're going into gram's I said okay cool. We got all excited to do our own traditions for the first time. My brother facebooks asking why I'm not going. Apparently only reason my bother was going into Ohio was so nobody picked on me and Steve ( none of my family has met him and with the way my mom runs her mouth they hate him without meeting him) so since we weren't going he didn't really want to go. His girlfriend works that day yadda yadda. So I tell my brother bail on grandma's (horrible yes I know but my family is DRAMA) and he's like I'll think about it. He walks downstairs at my parents house ( he still lives there) and announces he going to my house for dinner and is skipping Gram's. SOooooooooooooooo my mom calls me AND has my dad call me and they guilt trip me by saying since neither kid was going to gram's they wanted dinner there. We're like wait we're excited blah blah and they just badger me into feeling bad b/c they want to spend time together but only on their terms. I offer to have them come here. Nope, ask if we can bring puppies ( 14 hours away from them is too long) nope. Sigh. So since we wanted to cook they were talking about having us bring our own turkey and cook it there. Again time constraints. So finally I agree. then get off phone. I end up calling back saying we just couldn't do it. Would have thought I told my dad they had no more Sunday afternoon football..... Sooo come up with ANOTHER alternative. They buy own turkey and start cooking it so we don't have to be over there butt fuck early and they can still see us. I really wanted to do my own thing for the holiday but family wins out everytime. That's what this time of year is about. Maybe one day we'll get to do our own thing. On top of that I am apparently failing on not being depressed about having a job. I am eating everything in site and have demolished ALL the progress I was making. But I'm still trying to keep positive attitude ;/ Love Always, Nickie

Missing Cell Phone~ Pic Heavy

So yesterday I left my cell phone in my car. Didn't really care or notice that I was phoneless all day & night. Get up this morning 11 missed calls. One of my adopted kids landed in jail last night. Oh joy... He knew it was gonna happen but still :/ also have like 3 voicemails and 14 notifications. I felt loved when I looked at it. lol. Other news went to the Dr. this morning and got good news. With my weight loss I am no longer in danger of type 2 diabetes. Here's me now!

I also did something to my back so have meds for that until inflammation goes down. I also asked for a script of birth control. No more wondering every month if this is the month I'll get the double lines. In some ways I am happy about it but in others I am very depressed I want another child soooo bad yet feel like I will never have one. sigh. I am starting to love my haircut

My puppies are getting so big. At less than two weeks old they are trying to walk and sometimes succeeding AND their eyes are opening!! I love them all and wish we could keep them. But might be able to convince him to keep two!

And here is my lil man. His behavior at school is worsening. I really don't know what to do. I will not put him on meds I refuse. But he's not listening, won't stay in his seat, talking, disrespectful, etc...

Love Always, Nickie me and my baby

Called in Sick

Did not ever go to sleep last night. My back was insane and then this morning at about 5 am became extremely nasuous. I gave in and vomitted about 9. Called the boss and said try to find someone for me. He called back in less than 20 and had found someone. I was sick til about noon. Spent the whole day cleaning and it still doesn't really look like Jake and I did anything even though we did. 2 of our puppies are trying walk and they are 1 week and 3 days old. Thier eyes aren't even open yet... insane! I really wish life came with a manual. Have to turn in paperwork tomorrow otherwise I won't be eligable for help since I'm laif off. ERG! I need to be more organized. Right now I'm just kind of rambling b/c I am exsausted and am staying up to watch walking dead with baby. Is there any particular reason why my blog won't let me add photo? it keeps saying bad request. It's kind of annoying actually. Ok new subject. So i collect teas. I buy about 2 a month but can never find the ones I'm looking for when I want them. So I have decided I want a tea shelf put up in the kitchen. I want it to have a mug loop screwed in under neath so I have a special tea cup I use and then all my teas arranged on top. I wonder how long it will be before I put it up or get steve to put it up. Ok this is all the steam I have. Good night sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite <3 Love Always, Nickie