Thanksgiving...

So this whole holiday season whatever choice I've made for my family my mom makes the opposite. I told her we were gong into Ohio for Thanksgiving to see my grandma and family. She says she's staying home so Zach isn't by himself ( my brother). I'm cool with that. Then with van issues we can't take the trip 2.5hours away so we say we're staying home. My mom says okay well we're going into gram's I said okay cool. We got all excited to do our own traditions for the first time. My brother facebooks asking why I'm not going. Apparently only reason my bother was going into Ohio was so nobody picked on me and Steve ( none of my family has met him and with the way my mom runs her mouth they hate him without meeting him) so since we weren't going he didn't really want to go. His girlfriend works that day yadda yadda. So I tell my brother bail on grandma's (horrible yes I know but my family is DRAMA) and he's like I'll think about it. He walks downstairs at my parents house ( he still lives there) and announces he going to my house for dinner and is skipping Gram's. SOooooooooooooooo my mom calls me AND has my dad call me and they guilt trip me by saying since neither kid was going to gram's they wanted dinner there. We're like wait we're excited blah blah and they just badger me into feeling bad b/c they want to spend time together but only on their terms. I offer to have them come here. Nope, ask if we can bring puppies ( 14 hours away from them is too long) nope. Sigh. So since we wanted to cook they were talking about having us bring our own turkey and cook it there. Again time constraints. So finally I agree. then get off phone. I end up calling back saying we just couldn't do it. Would have thought I told my dad they had no more Sunday afternoon football..... Sooo come up with ANOTHER alternative. They buy own turkey and start cooking it so we don't have to be over there butt fuck early and they can still see us. I really wanted to do my own thing for the holiday but family wins out everytime. That's what this time of year is about. Maybe one day we'll get to do our own thing. On top of that I am apparently failing on not being depressed about having a job. I am eating everything in site and have demolished ALL the progress I was making. But I'm still trying to keep positive attitude ;/ Love Always, Nickie

Missing Cell Phone~ Pic Heavy

So yesterday I left my cell phone in my car. Didn't really care or notice that I was phoneless all day & night. Get up this morning 11 missed calls. One of my adopted kids landed in jail last night. Oh joy... He knew it was gonna happen but still :/ also have like 3 voicemails and 14 notifications. I felt loved when I looked at it. lol. Other news went to the Dr. this morning and got good news. With my weight loss I am no longer in danger of type 2 diabetes. Here's me now!

I also did something to my back so have meds for that until inflammation goes down. I also asked for a script of birth control. No more wondering every month if this is the month I'll get the double lines. In some ways I am happy about it but in others I am very depressed I want another child soooo bad yet feel like I will never have one. sigh. I am starting to love my haircut

My puppies are getting so big. At less than two weeks old they are trying to walk and sometimes succeeding AND their eyes are opening!! I love them all and wish we could keep them. But might be able to convince him to keep two!

And here is my lil man. His behavior at school is worsening. I really don't know what to do. I will not put him on meds I refuse. But he's not listening, won't stay in his seat, talking, disrespectful, etc...

Love Always, Nickie me and my baby

Called in Sick

Did not ever go to sleep last night. My back was insane and then this morning at about 5 am became extremely nasuous. I gave in and vomitted about 9. Called the boss and said try to find someone for me. He called back in less than 20 and had found someone. I was sick til about noon. Spent the whole day cleaning and it still doesn't really look like Jake and I did anything even though we did. 2 of our puppies are trying walk and they are 1 week and 3 days old. Thier eyes aren't even open yet... insane! I really wish life came with a manual. Have to turn in paperwork tomorrow otherwise I won't be eligable for help since I'm laif off. ERG! I need to be more organized. Right now I'm just kind of rambling b/c I am exsausted and am staying up to watch walking dead with baby. Is there any particular reason why my blog won't let me add photo? it keeps saying bad request. It's kind of annoying actually. Ok new subject. So i collect teas. I buy about 2 a month but can never find the ones I'm looking for when I want them. So I have decided I want a tea shelf put up in the kitchen. I want it to have a mug loop screwed in under neath so I have a special tea cup I use and then all my teas arranged on top. I wonder how long it will be before I put it up or get steve to put it up. Ok this is all the steam I have. Good night sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite <3 Love Always, Nickie

INSANITY!

So got laid off October 31st and spent the week binging with friends. Not binge in the way you think but since I never drink drinking 2 times in a week is a lot to me plus I had 2 girlfriends over for like 4 days. Our "adventures" were dubbed Ghetto Ambitonz! It was interesting to say the least. Depression did set in and I gained 7 lbs in less than 2 weeks. I wanted to cry. Plus the check engine light is on in the van now. Apparently a vaccuum hose leak. Sigh. Finally got bridge card today. We've been skrimping on food for like a week now. It gets very interesting. My emotions have been off the wall. I wish I could sleep.... That is like a thing of the past. It takes for ever to fall asleep and if I fall asleep I wake up every hour. WAHHH! Worked at dollar tree yesterday and was on my feet for 8.5 hours and I have to do it again today but my back is KILLING me. From my neck all the way down to my left knee. I want to cut it all off. so much stuff going on ugh Love Always, Nickie

This Past Week

Sometimes I really hate having to log in and then log out and then log back in to upload pictures b/c I can't use my google email as email for blogger. It gets irritating but oh well.

Last week was a rough one for my family. Jake was once again in trouble for 1/2 the week but towards the end started behaving. He went to his grandma's house on Saturday and went to pumpkin patch. Sidenote :Kind of irritated my parents made me do ALL the driving when they know we are struggling to make it and they are more than well off. Next time they want to see him THEY can do all the driving. Wwhich they hate b/c they feel a 45 minute drive is TOO far to see thier grandchildm yet they'll drive 2.5 hours to see my grandma. It's whatever.

My psych doctor prescribed me a sleeping med b/c I don't sleep and when I do it's for about an hour at a time. She prescibed seriquil I HATE IT!!!!! So I quit taking it since it was just for sleep. Let me tell you the 3 weeks I took it my body got soo used to it that I could NOT sleep last week AT ALL. I think I got on average MAYBE 2 hours a night & the sleep I did get I woke up every 15 minutes. So that did not help my attitude. Then the seriquil felt like it knocked out my bi polar med so i was a complete BITCH. Caused a fight or 10 with Steve to the point once again I threatened to leave yet as much as I try to blame him I know in hindsight it's me and my mouth and actions that cause the fights. The first month of meds were GREAT, I felt normal. There was no insane crazy fighting. We were getting along great! Now I'm hoping this week since I haven't taken the sleeping med for a week that my normal meds will kick in correctly again. I also HATE the fact my psych doctor is only in for like 3 hours on a Thursday, that is NOT enough time to actually take care of your patients that you put on dangerous meds. Seriquil is a HIGHLY dangerous sleeping aid that is known to cause and prevoke violence, which I told her was NOT a good med for me yet she prescribed it anyway. It kind of made me think she gets a "reward" for every prescription she writes for it. Some drug companies do that with doctors, I know because I've seen it. So I will be bringing it up to her next time I see her.

Always, Nickie