my FIRST post as a 24 yr old

So I turned 24 a week ago about... I feel so old UGH!!!! Life is going by at a crazy pace lately I swear. Easter is already come and gone. We had a nice dinner on saturday with my parents to celebrate Easter since they were going to visit my grandma on Easter. So easter was just me steve n jake. It was a great day. Woke up about 8 am found his easter basket which we hid in the shower lol, found his eggs that had candy in them, made dinner and played games and relaxed all day. It was so much fun.

It's only me steve and jake that live here now told everybody else they needed to hit the road... always having people around is great when all you want to do is have a good time and not care about anything else but I have greater responsibilities than that so everybody got booted....

My engine seized on the Sable so I sold it on craigslist I SWEAR I LOVE THAT SITE I am hoping to get my son's dad's taxes soon and hopefully that will be the last lil bit of money i need to get the new car I want. I'm thinking along the lines of an 02-03 Escort or something that is reasonable for a "family" car as well as cost effective since the economy SUX

Jake's last day of school is June 12th. Not looking forward to that b/c all week he's asked if he can go to school yet and I'm not looking forward to listening to that for three months. His speech is improving and he doesn't act anything like he used to really. Yea he's a brat but my kid is no longer the worst behaved kid THANK GOD now the rest of his attitude is from being a spoiled only child***Whistle*** i would have nothing to do with that i swear....

Steve n I are doing good. He made a steak dinner for my birthday and made an AWSOME ham for Easter YUMMY :) He just needs to get on a normal sleeping schedule. Our schedule is so messed up its funny. It's not unusual for us to be up at like 3 am. We don't sleep we take extended naps or at least that what HE says. He is just such a sweetheart

There are just so many things i want to get right now. I bought a printer scanner and copier in one from best buy last year and it never really worked right and now i was trying to scan some pictures from Ancient times and it won't scan at all grrr.... so my list of things i want just keeps growing. I need a new digital camera b/c my last one was stolen AGAIN!!!!!!!!! i think i am not meant to have a digi b/c i've had 3 of them stolen from me in like 4 years. assholes..... but until i get my new digi, i'm using a 35 mm film camera so at least i still have one. We also want a whole bunch of kitchen stuff b/c we both love to cook and that is something we like to do together so we're realizing we need some better tools to work with.

Me personally I feel like i am fighting off a massive depression streak right now so I am taking it day by day and feeling by feeling. I'm so unsure of so many things and I never beleive something good is going to continue happening to me b/c it's been ingrained in my mind that I don't deserve something good happening to me. I try so hard everyday to work past my insecurities and lack of self esteem But sometimes is seems pointless. How do i know any decision i've made or I'm making is the right one? Is there a signal, a sign, anything? or is it all guess work that u just never really know if its right or not. Either way I'm just trying to be happy and make decisions that are going to make me happy./
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Love Always,
Nickie

Quotes

"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."

" If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't then it was never meant to be"

"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you."

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

" The Beauty is in the attempt."

Love Always,
Nickie

Catching Up

Ok so here's me catching up on my life. I did end up telling him I love him and it didn't go too bad... I got good news from all the places I had to go to last week so everything is good on the home front :) I am massivly sick and hate being so~ Jake is CrAzY but that is nothing new. He got an official big boy bike last weekend for Grandma's house and may be getting another big boy bike in a few weeks for here but until then is using his big wheel since the dog ate his bike 2 summers ago... I've realized that some things i thought were completely false and people from the past should stay in the past for a reason n i'll leave it at that. Gracey is getting big and she is like a miniture dog we all love her to death <3>

I Thank my stars every night for the life I have right now



Love Always,
Nickie

Me and people in my life March 2009

Love Always,
Nickie

Going To My Mommy's

Tomorrow we are going to my mom's house. This will be the first time that steve has gone with me to my mom's house. I'm gonna be doing laundry and steve is i guess helping jake with his new bike and training wheels and then we're all having dinner. I'm crossing my fingers for a great day and i'm trying to figure out things in my head. I know they are there but do i really wanna go down this road knowing it's not the same for him? Do i really wanna do one of the things he warned me not to? Love Always,
Nickie