No Job

Yesterday was probably one of the worst days since I lost my job. I had no want to do ANYTHING. The house is a disaster zone. It is just not big enough. I would post pictures but I am that ashamed of how our house looks. I know Steve is working hard to compensate for the fact that my last paycheck STILL hasn't shown up AND my unemployment is who knows where... So we've been literally living on NOTHING for 3 weeks. I'm tired of people making comments about my family being on assistance. It's not like we abuse it. We use our food stamps to put food on our table for the month. 3 people 320$ for a MONTH. and that's what we use. I know a manic phase is kicking and and there seems to be nothing I can do to stop it..... So far I've been able to keep myself out of bed for most of the time. But I have a feeling it's going to get harder to do. On a good note, the puppies are mobile! up and walking, yipping, wagging tails, and BARKING!!! not even three weeks old. Working at dollar tree tomorrow from 3-10:30. Hope it goes by quick Love Always, Nickie

Thanksgiving...

So this whole holiday season whatever choice I've made for my family my mom makes the opposite. I told her we were gong into Ohio for Thanksgiving to see my grandma and family. She says she's staying home so Zach isn't by himself ( my brother). I'm cool with that. Then with van issues we can't take the trip 2.5hours away so we say we're staying home. My mom says okay well we're going into gram's I said okay cool. We got all excited to do our own traditions for the first time. My brother facebooks asking why I'm not going. Apparently only reason my bother was going into Ohio was so nobody picked on me and Steve ( none of my family has met him and with the way my mom runs her mouth they hate him without meeting him) so since we weren't going he didn't really want to go. His girlfriend works that day yadda yadda. So I tell my brother bail on grandma's (horrible yes I know but my family is DRAMA) and he's like I'll think about it. He walks downstairs at my parents house ( he still lives there) and announces he going to my house for dinner and is skipping Gram's. SOooooooooooooooo my mom calls me AND has my dad call me and they guilt trip me by saying since neither kid was going to gram's they wanted dinner there. We're like wait we're excited blah blah and they just badger me into feeling bad b/c they want to spend time together but only on their terms. I offer to have them come here. Nope, ask if we can bring puppies ( 14 hours away from them is too long) nope. Sigh. So since we wanted to cook they were talking about having us bring our own turkey and cook it there. Again time constraints. So finally I agree. then get off phone. I end up calling back saying we just couldn't do it. Would have thought I told my dad they had no more Sunday afternoon football..... Sooo come up with ANOTHER alternative. They buy own turkey and start cooking it so we don't have to be over there butt fuck early and they can still see us. I really wanted to do my own thing for the holiday but family wins out everytime. That's what this time of year is about. Maybe one day we'll get to do our own thing. On top of that I am apparently failing on not being depressed about having a job. I am eating everything in site and have demolished ALL the progress I was making. But I'm still trying to keep positive attitude ;/ Love Always, Nickie